Today I received a letter saying that it was time to pay the service charges to the council for my flat. Ok, quick visit at my online banking, set up a new standing order and Robert is your mother’s brother! Except that my bank card has expired so I can’t use my little calculator-like security device to log in.
Ok, clicking around the bank website, trying to figure out if there’s anything at all I can do before calling them and finding out that there is a new way to log into my banking that doesn’t require the security device! Except that I need to log in using my security device to activate it first.
So I call them and talk to a few nice people in India; first one couldn’t do anything at all, second one locked my online banking altogether and threatened me with some pretty hairy security questions to turn it back on, third one I can’t remember, fourth one was pretty good and figured out a solution, fifth one was actually an English person and was trying to authorise the solution from number four, sixth one told me to call back tomorrow after the fifth one failed the authorisation.
All I want is a new card, but the address that my bank has for me is a forwarding address and of course there’s no-one there to sign for the card delivery, so the cards that the bank has been trying to delivery (without notifying me, very nice of them) has all been sent back. Ok, so change the address to my Philippino one then! Hmm, no sir, you need to be registered for telephone banking for that. Ok, how do I get telephone banking? They will send me a passcode as a regular letter to my UK address, that will be forwarded to my Philippino address, I will use that passcode to change my registered address and then they will send my new card to me! Except I couldn’t get a telephone banking passcode because there was a link to a business account!?
I used to have a business account, it was closed down about ten years ago. The private banking section couldn’t send me the passcode because my private account is still linked to my business account. And they couldn’t remove the link since it’s to a business account. And the business banking section couldn’t remove the link since the business account was already closed! But the nice lady said that she could force a link-removal for me! Except it takes 24 hours so could I please call back tomorrow again?
So what I basically set out to do; pay my council service charges, looks like it’s minimum a month away after two letters have to be sent out here in the outback.
Hello arrears payment remarks.